The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
