i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize