Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
