He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
