Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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