why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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