He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
