are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
