How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
