I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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