She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
