you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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