the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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