You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
