everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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