It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
