I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
