he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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