I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
