I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
porn star boner night. come get it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
