make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize