What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
