my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This baby is an asshole
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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