my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
