ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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