i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
