I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
