Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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