I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
