Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
