Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
