boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
