3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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