so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
