the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
