I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize