After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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