She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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