new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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