Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
