There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
