I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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