I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
