it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
