im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
