The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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