i was born a porn star she said
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
