The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize