"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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