I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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