Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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