Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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