Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
