I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
