Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
