Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
