I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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