I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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