i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
