I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
