at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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