i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
