apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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