And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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