This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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