Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
