she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
