oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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