Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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