Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize