Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
