Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
