If that was your dad, he is hot
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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