How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
