i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
