The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
