dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
