Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
