her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize