I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
