Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
