why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
