and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
