If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
