Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
