So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
