Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
