If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
