he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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