she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
