was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
