i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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