Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
