I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
