how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
