you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
