at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
