I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize