I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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